Last week I was full of anxiety. Like a can of soda that's rolled around on the floor of a car for a couple hours, my body felt full of pent up energy and emotion that, when escaping, would bubble over in a torrent of chaos.
The overflow took place Saturday.
As I sat at a playground watching my kids climb, run, and jump, the emotion flowed, and despite the mess (I thought I was going to start crying) I came to two significant realizations:
- The financial crisis put me in downgrade/downsize mode. To cope with loss of income I told myself material things didn't matter. I ascribed to the idea that I was now taking the high road; I was living a more enlightened life, where real value and meaning were recognized.
- Austerity stinks, and I'm done cloaking my loss in blankets of philosophical wisdom. Four years of donning the downsizing mindset is depressing, and I'm not happy. I will not lower my standards anymore, and I refuse to let this period of "less" define the years to come.
Ah, revelations. They poured out quickly and they hit me hard, because now I have to figure out what to do with them.
A mess, indeed, but a good place to start addressing new priorities.
What about you? What's bubbling up inside?