Thursday, September 12, 2013

Soda pop

Source: Chatelaine

Last week I was full of anxiety. Like a can of soda that's rolled around on the floor of a car for a couple hours, my body felt full of pent up energy and emotion that, when escaping, would bubble over in a torrent of chaos.

The overflow took place Saturday.

As I sat at a playground watching my kids climb, run, and jump, the emotion flowed, and despite the mess (I thought I was going to start crying) I came to two significant realizations:

  1. The financial crisis put me in downgrade/downsize mode. To cope with loss of income I told myself material things didn't matter. I ascribed to the idea that I was now taking the high road; I was living a more enlightened life, where real value and meaning were recognized.
  2. Austerity stinks, and I'm done cloaking my loss in blankets of philosophical wisdom. Four years of donning the downsizing mindset is depressing, and I'm not happy. I will not lower my standards anymore, and I refuse to let this period of "less" define the years to come.
Ah, revelations. They poured out quickly and they hit me hard, because now I have to figure out what to do with them.

A mess, indeed, but a good place to start addressing new priorities.

What about you? What's bubbling up inside?

2 comments:

  1. I miss reading your blog! Life has been so hectic with the kids starting a new school, but now that they're settled in, I'm hoping to get back to writing and reading my favorite blogs.

    As for what's bubbling inside of me - my problem is that I try to do too much and end up overwhelmed and stressed out. I just took a hot bath to help me fall asleep because I suffer from stress-related insomnia.

    As for your revelations, what next? Full-time employment? And in what ways will you not lower your standards anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Meghan: I have that stress related insomnia, too. It stinks!

    I've been thinking a lot about what's next. I've written my resume and I'm sending it out there. I'm ramping up my Pilates business, and I'm reworking my book. I'm hoping it will all come together!

    In terms of not lowering my standards, I've decided I cannot do with any less than I have now. No more thinking I'l be okay with a lesser living situation. I've hit the bottom and now I plan on moving up, only!

    ReplyDelete

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